Countdown- 10 days to go from the bride’s perspective
August 19, 2010
Melissa is busy working on stuff so I am writing the post for her. On her agenda:
Go to Staples and order
- copies of the ceremony program (Grandma drew a beautiful cover for it.)
- Welcome sign with illustration of Melissa and Chris in front of a Newport Mansion
- “Map” of the table layout at the reception (Melissa’s sister Christine found a cool old illustration of Newport, Rhode Island to act as the backdrop of the table design.)
Each table is named after a Newport landmark.
Still to do:
- Table Identifiers
- Escort Cards
The list is getting shorter but the days are running out! Melissa is leaving her job on Friday and moving to our house till the wedding. That means no more time to hang out with her sister/Maid of Honor to get all the rest of the designs finished.
One other issue that has been going on is finding out when a few of the groomsmen and their guests are getting to CT (from VA and CA). They need rides to our house before the rehearsal so we need to know when and where they are arriving. Melissa is asking the groom and the groom is asking the guys, but things are still up in the air. We’ll be very happy when this is all settled!
If you are dealing with a lot of people and trying to get a message heard, may I suggest that you use a conference call. There are several websites where you can get a free conference line and then you can arrange a time for everyone to talk things over; what are your expectations, what is the timeline for the whole weekend, etc. I like to facilitate group conference calls where the wedding party can create a fun team spirit and get psyched for the big day. Now if only I had spoken up a little louder with my own daughter!
Countdown- 10 Days to go and one big to-do is done!
August 18, 2010
I am soon to be the mother of the bride. I have seen two of my children get married in the last 3 years. This is now our third child’s wedding, but this is the first that will take place in my area. My husband and I are hosting lots of activity the week of the wedding, including the groom and his friends for one night a few days before the wedding as they arrive from Virginia. We also have the whole rehearsal crowd coming here before going to the church next Friday. But the activity that had me the most worried was photos the morning of the wedding. My daughter will be getting ready in my room because it is very spacious.
I am a not the neatest person in the world. (No snickers from those who know me!) I have improved over the years but I still have my issues: I get attached to things, I save too much, I don’t take the time to set up a system or put things away or file for that matter. Then after things pile up, I get frustrated and try to tackle it.
For the last 15 months it has been my goal to clean up my bedroom. I moved here 4 years ago and still hadn’t put everything away. I have a large desk and bookcases, but I don’t like to work there. I was almost done putting things away last summer but I stopped short of completion, leaving all the hardest stuff to deal with. What was left was the 3 boxes of papers that needed sorting, thinning out, or filing. A year later it was all still there along with new clutter. The desk had a layer of old bills and notes about this and that. My dresser had piles of winter socks and assorted small items. My side of the bathroom vanity was piled high with makeup, hair products and jewelry.
This year I’ve been motivated by the fact that my daughter is getting married and the photographer will be taking pictures upstairs- Melissa getting ready, Melissa and her bridal party, Melissa and her proud mom, whatever!
So yesterday, after talking with MY life coach (yes I have a coach too) about why I’ve been resisting the final push, I set up a schedule and did it! I stayed focused on the task. I resisted my computer, the phone, the to-do list, the refrigerator and my dog. Now the taxes are all filed, the papers are put away, and donations are in a bag heading to Goodwill. I even tackled the master bath. Toiletries are thinned out and shelved, and the jewelry is organized.
I am a life coach. With that comes the responsibility of doing the things I encourage my clients to do- like de-clutter or get my house in order. Now I can say “I did it, so can you!” I am quite proud of myself. When I woke up this morning, I no longer had to look at a messy desk or bookshelf, cluttered corners or a messy bathroom. I could open my eyes and enjoy what I was seeing! The wedding is 10 days away and I am ready. Woo Hoo!
I have a new appreciation for destination weddings. Keep all this in mind when you schedule your wedding at home. It’s more than just preparing for the wedding, it’s getting your whole house in order. And if someone else is hosting the gathering, I beg you to have a special appreciation for what they are going through.
More about my daughter’s schedule in the next post…
Gone are the piles and the dust! Now we're ready for one of those contemplative photos of the bride looking in the mirror
De-cluttered and ready for the "bride getting ready" photos.
Countdown-Two weeks to go and we all need a wedding break
August 16, 2010
My daughters went to Cape Cod for the weekend with friends. I went to a day-long meeting for women in my Compass Coaching network. My husband, unfortunately did not get a break from yard work 
When the wedding frenzy is getting to a fevered pitch, it is helpful to take a break and let your mind wander to real-life distractions or just plain fun! The planners-my daughters and I, all know we can’t live, eat, and breath wedding stuff 24/7, so we all planned some time off.
My daughters have gotten used to seeing each other at least once or twice a week for the last year when Melissa moved to the Boston area. They have great fun together. Melissa actually moved in with her sister and brother-in-law for the first 3 weeks of August because her lease ran out before her job ended (she is moving to VA after the wedding.) This past weekend was their last hurrah as sisters before the wedding, and their last time (at least for a while) that they can just pick up and party without other obligations or obstacles. Pretty soon there will be hundreds of miles separating them. After a few days’ break, they got back to the grindstone and started working on the wedding program, etc. But now they have a few special days worth of memories to sustain them!
I took Saturday off to attend a “working retreat.” I am a Compass Coaching Representative (www.mylifecompass.com/takenewsteps)
The day started with meeting other Compass coaches and representatives, then a fabulous speaker named Kim George talked about how to have an abundant life. Her current book project, Abundance Intelligence, is all about learning to be the person you are meant to be, not the path you’ve been conditioned to want, but what you truly want. We shared a great lunch, a tea ceremony, and a final speaker named Cliff Moore, who shared tips about social media marketing (facebook, linkedin, twitter). It was a very uplifting and informative day and just what I needed to get away from the house prep and detail frenzy of wedding planning. I made some new friends too.
My husband used Saturday to work on the gardens in our back yard. After weeks of neglect due to other priorities, he was able to weed and prune. Luckily we finally had some rain last night! On Sunday, we purchased a bunch of new perennials to redo the gardens near our back door. They will be a colorful backdrop for photos, not to mention a cheerful greeting to our guests as they arrive on Friday before the rehearsal dinner. Perennials are great because they will come up year after year, a much better investment than annuals. Now, all that is left is watering and maintaining them for a few more weeks.
I hope you schedule some special time off from wedding preparation to enjoy those around you, or take a personal retreat. Your body and spirit need nurturing. Your relationships need nurturing, and what better way to break the stress than to take some time off and have fun. You DO have the time. You can make the time. Your sanity relies on it!
Countdown- 15 days to go, a walk-through of the wedding vendors, details
August 16, 2010
I’m cheating, writing this post after the weekend, but I wanted to talk about doing a walk-through a few weeks before the wedding and I did a lot of this last Friday. If you imagine every detail, every vendor, there are bound to be some people who you’ll need to reconnect with or some last minute things to do. Melissa and I have been really good about keeping lists and planning ahead. We are doing the “divide and conquer” method so we don’t duplicate tasks.
I’ve been reviewing each vendor or contributor for the wedding and making sure we are set. This is particularly helpful if you are having stressful nightmares! Why wonder, just take it into your own hands and reconnect to be sure. Here is a potential list for you to think of (start from first thing in the morning):
- hair and makeup
- Bridal gown/Bridesmaid dresses/Tuxedo’s/Alterations
- florist
- photographer
- limo service
- minister/officiant
- music for the ceremony/cocktail hour/reception
- decorations- who is setting things up the day of? planner/friends/wedding party?
- caterer/bartenders/wait staff
- reception hall
- Cake
- hotel for guests
- Honeymoon/travel agent
Don’t forget to plan for eating! We are going to have all the girls in the wedding party here at the house, so I will have the makings for some easy-to-eat lunch food so no one goes through the day hungry. I checked in with the limo service to be sure they had all the specifics of pick-ups and drop-offs (limo and mini coach for guests) and it turned out they should have sent me a contract months ago and didn’t. Glad we cleared that up! I also called the beauty salon and added myself to the list for having my makeup done. I’m terrible at doing my makeup and this makes me feel more secure. (Maybe I’ll do a head shot that day for my business!) I also talked with the band leader with a few last questions/details about time of arrival, set-up and music. Checks are in the mail for the payments required before the wedding. I have a list of who to call with credit card info a few days before the wedding and who will get paid by check on the wedding day. I don’t want any surprises!
Melissa and her fiance have been connecting with all the wedding party to be sure all the out-of-towners are set with hotel and transportation and tuxedos. (Who needs to be picked up at the airport and when? Who is taking the train? How is everyone getting to the rehearsal and/or dinner? Who is getting their tux locally on Friday and who is picking up in their home town. I have started a chart to keep it all clear) Melissa and her sister have been working on all the creative items for the reception: entry vingnette to set the stage of 1930′s Newport, RI, escort cards and map of tables, table identifications, gift-card holder (spray painted a bird cage meant to hold cards), signature drink posters for the bar (I got to test the recipe, French Martini, yum!), centerpieces, candy bar, and program for the wedding. They also created an adorable invitation for the rehearsal dinner that went out a few weeks ago. On the list still to do is gift bags at the hotel for all the out-of-town guests. There will be about 30 rooms with 60 guests. Melissa has her shopping list for contents. I have the assignment of the information sheet so guests know about local restaurants, directions, etc.
One person not mentioned in my posts yet is my husband. Steve has been the silent planning partner throughout. His wonderful job is footing most of the bill and he is very agreeable about what we have planned. His list of things to do involve the gardens which will provide the back drop of photos before the wedding, and finishing a beautiful secretary desk for the bride and groom. Steve has been building furniture as a hobby since high school. I’ll take a photo when it is complete and share here. Steve and I took a dance lesson to pick up tips on the fox trot and rhumba. We’ve been dancing all our 30 years of marriage so we look forward to dancing at Melissa’s wedding.
That’s all for vendors and details. Good luck with your own!
Countdown Day 17- Seating guests
August 11, 2010
I’ve written before about chasing people down for their RSVP’s. There were about 12 people we were still waiting to hear from with assorted reasons they needed to delay telling us. We picked a date that was our absolute cut-off and told them to answer us by then. Melissa and I had set a boundary that was then conveyed very clearly to the guests- we were creating the escort cards and table seating and had to know. I recieved 4 phone calls that day and they were all no’s.
I don’t know if the answers would have been any different if we had given them more time. I think it just made them make the decision a little faster that they would have ultimately made anyway. We gave ourselves 3 weeks leeway because we didn’t want the added stress of trying to do all that prep last minute, not to mention the anxiety caused by not knowing.
With our final, final headcount, we were able to decide seating, which in our case included which of the 3 rooms guests would be sitting in. I had a meeting today with the caterer and it felt really good knowing all that we know with 17 days to go. We were able to finalize the liquor order as well.
A word about our caterer. His name is Al Zamary, from Trumbull, CT, and he is a great guy to work with. He is very generous with his time- he has gone to the reception site twice with me and also to the rental company and the liquor store. Today we went line by line through the rental and liquor order, and also discussed every table, tablecloth, napkin, glass-type, etc that was part of the set-up. I feel so secure now that I know we are set.
If you are finding similar issues happening with a lack of rsvp’s, do as we did and be firm about a cut-off date. It made a world of difference and we feel so much better having it all settled.
Countdown- 19 days before the wedding- Centerpieces
August 9, 2010
We have been very busy for the last several days and I’d like to share the fruits of our labor!
My daughter's crafty solution to centerpieces. Each box is a gift for the guests.
Melissa and I spent all of Friday night and Saturday putting boxes together with candy in each and tying the bows. Saturday eve and Sunday was time for cleaning the votives (the sticky labels on the bottom of each) and cutting and tying ribbon. We also figured out the arrangement for the candy bar- which candy in each unique jar, then wrapped the jars up for the trip home to CT. (Melissa and her sister are up in MA).
What is not shown in the photo are the table ID’s. Melissa is naming each table after a famous mansion in Newport and has old photos from a book. They will be mounted on a card with the photo on one side and on the back side will be a note from Melissa and Chris made to look like the back of a post card.
When it comes to planning your own centerpieces, especially if you are not doing a floral arrangement, keep in mind how much time it takes to get your craft projects done and don’t leave them for the last minute. Our boxes have candy in them so we had to wait to now and we’re storing them in the cool basement. Create a mock-up at least 6 weeks in advance so that you have time to change things if you don’t like the way it looks. And don’t bite off more than you can chew. If you are looking for cost-cutting alternatives, you can still stick with flowers. Ask your florist.
I’m going to write a separate post about guest list and seating arrangements. Lots of decisions were finalized this weekend. Yah! Keep reading and sending in comments.
Countdown-24 days till the wedding
August 4, 2010
This is a continuation of real-time blogging as my family and I prepare for my daughter’s wedding. Any post labeled “countdown” is part of this series. Hope you enjoy!
As mother-of-the-bride, and the only “planning partner” living in this state, I felt inclined to travel to the reception site- The Waveny House in New Canaan, CT. I wanted to visualize just how many tables could fit comfortably in the grand ballroom (about 51 ft by 25 ft) and still have room for the band and dance floor. The answer: 3 plus a sweetheart table. 4 would be squishing it because the band spills out of the stage area (9 piece swing band!) There are two other rooms for more tables.
The Waveny House ballroom. Wait till it's filled with tables, the band and the bride and groom!
Another key question is whether or not the entry vestibule has enough room for our plans for the escort cards, sign-in picture frame, and gift table. I don’t want to reveal all the details, but suffice it to say, 2 hours of discussion and I think our plans will work! (Question: how much room would 100 martini glasses take?)
Vestibule from the ballroom.
Answer: I spoke to the rental company and found out martini glasses are 4 inches in diameter. It’s time to change my order for glasses.
With the wedding just 24 days away, a new haircut was in order, and I’ve been struggling to find the right hairdresser. I think I have finally found her. One of the women who works at the bridal salon has a similar but much better haircut as mine and I asked who does her hair. Her name is Jackie and she gave me a great haircut today. One more thing off my list!
My daughter Melissa has been busy chasing down guests for their rsvp’s. Lots of reasons for people delaying their answers. Bottom line we have to give them a serious cut-off date. I refuse to go through the last-minute stress of figuring table seating. My sister mentioned a story about a bride’s mom who called the groom’s mom just hours before the wedding and asked for a big favor. Could she come to their house to pick up all the escort cards and bring them to the reception hall? They had just finished redoing the seating because of a bunch of last-minute changes.
NO ONE wants to go through that stress. Pick a cut-off date and then enforce it!
*** Tell your friends and family ahead of time that you would rather know the truth about why they might be late with their rsvp than to just not hear from them. Avoidance only adds anxiety for the bride’s family. It’s hard to plan seating, room arrangements, catering issues, when you don’t know who is coming!
Another planning note, most hotels will allow a block of rooms to be set aside for up to 4 weeks before the wedding. It’s best to do this at least 8 months in advance to get the best rate. If guests reserve a room and then have to cancel, they get a full refund in most cases. Better to have a room reserved than to take the chance of not getting one or paying a much higher price last minute.
Tomorrow is “clean my bedroom” day (more like empty out) to be ready for ‘bride getting ready” photos the morning of the wedding. Wish me luck!
Monica
Countdown-The To-Do List
August 2, 2010
Today is the 30th Anniversary of my wedding to my wonderful husband! Steve already called me from work and we’re planning a vacation in October. It will be nice to celebrate OUR wedding when our daughter’s wedding is over.
With only 26 days before the wedding, I thought I’d write out my to-do list, which might give my readers an idea of the things on a mom’s mind so close to the wedding. My list is only MY list. My daughter has her own. Perhaps I’ll get her to write a similar post for later.
To-Do this week
Overhaul bedroom for pre-wedding photos (this is a big undertaking, one I have procrastinated about for months).
Do some weeding in the garden to stay on top of potential photo sites in the yard.
Make haircut appointment- (I actally just did this so I can cross it off the list)
Call caterer and discuss table placement, liquor order (go to liquor store?) and rental final order.
Go to reception venue for last ideas (I’ll be in the neighborhood tomorrow).
Go to Melissa’s house in Boston to work on the escort cards (new revamped idea) and table seating if we get last guests’ rsvps. Do some girly time stuff too. (Every relationship needs some fun relaxing time.)
Send out email to fellow church choir members to remind of singing at the wedding. (great friends!)
Continue work on the wedding afghan I am crocheting. (I’ve finished 9 of the 15 panels in only 3 weeks, with my goal to finish the rest by Aug 10th. Then comes assembly). This is my pastime as I watch TV in the evening.
Mental walk through the wedding day to see if I’m missing any details.
Create a payment schedule for all the vendors, which ones get paid when. Some get paid the day of the wedding, some are due prior and I have to go through the contracts and notes to see when.
Start a list of things to bring to the wedding rehearsal (list of readings to give to priest, and license) and the day of (extra pair of comfortable shoes, checkbook, printout of table seating in case escort cards get lost, tissues, etc).
I think that is all for now. It is comforting to see in down on paper. I have the folder that my mom kept from my wedding. In it, I found receipts from the caterer (a home reception), florist, etc, and even the program from the church. My mother in law drew a beautiful cover for it. She is now drawing one for my daughter. That’s on next week’s list- the program.
Now it’s time for exercise.
Monica
Mother-of-the-Bride dress
August 1, 2010
So this is my dress for my daughter’s wedding. Everyone says it compliments my blue eyes. It feels glamorous- with layers of chiffon.
Remember the dress Liesel wears in The Sound of Music when she dances around in the gazebo? (singing I am 16 going on 17) The skirt of my dress feels like that. I look forward to swirling around the dance floor at the reception to the sounds of the Big Band Swing Machine!
My husband and I took a private dance lesson at Fred Astaire with my daughter and her fiance a week ago. It was lots of fun. We learned the basic steps for Rhumba and Foxtrot. My daughter and I have years of dance background (I was even on a ballroom dance team in college), but the guys can dance too, so we did pretty well. I wish we had started a long time ago, we could have been practicing all these months.
I would advise any bride or family to start learning their dancing 6 months ahead of time to give yourself enough time to get comfortable at it. I think a lot of people end up waiting to the end because it’s not a high priority detail, and when you get just a few months away from the wedding, you suddenly think “It’s time to get that dance class in!” It was fun doing the lesson as a group. We took a dance class at a community center before my older daughter’s wedding, but the lesson was the wrong kind of swing dance and we didn’t end up using it at the wedding, we resorted to what we were more familiar with. My older daughter and my husband did a great father-daughter dance two years ago and I’m sure history will repeat itself in 28 days!